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You are at the section Demented Christmas Specials

WWTBAM Part 2

Yet Another Stupid D.T. Christmas Special!


   Regis: OK, enough puns. Let's get another contestant on the hot seat. Because now,
we have nine contestants left to try out for the chance to win a $1,000,000. So now,
get ready, because here comes the next qualifying question:


   Put Santa's Reindeer in the correct order that he calls them out.

   a. Prancer
   b. Donder
   c. Dancer
   d. Vixen


   Go.



CONTESTANTS VOTE FOR ANSWERS





   OK. Answers are in. Now let's take a look at the correct order starting with the
earliest name of the reindeer Santa calls out:

   c. Dancer
   a. Prancer
   d. Vixen
   b. Donder

   That's the correct order.  Now let's see who answered the question in the fastest
amount of time:


   Billy Wonka:     4.23
   David Tanny     23.56
   Alyssa Spears    9.76
   Captain Mike    12.44
   Alfred Yankovic 27.27
   Jill Somers      6.65
   Eric Hartman     4.55
   Jay Nelson      12.02
   Walt Montgomery  8.65

   Well, it's Billy Wonka! You're the man!  Come on down!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Ready to play?
   Billy: Yes.
   Regis: OK, let's watch another funny Christmas video while we get ready to
play the game.  We'll be right back!

APPLAUSE!


=============================================================================

"Donde Esta Papa" - by D M Goldstein 1984
(to the tune of "Feliz Navidad")

Police got my Dad, Police got my Dad,
Police got my Dad and now he's rotting in County Jail.
Police got my Dad, Police got my Dad,
And they'll deport him if my mother can't make his bail.

(Chorus:)
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my cell.
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my cell.

(alternate first verse:)
Donde esta Papa? Donde esta Papa?
Donde esta Papa? Papa no esta aqui.
Donde esta Papa? Donde esta Papa?
Donde esta Papa? Papa no esta aqui.

(Chorus:)
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my cell.
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my cell.

Police got my Dad, Police got my Dad,
Police got my Dad and now he's rotting in County Jail.

=============================================================================

APPLAUSE!   APPLAUSE!   APPLAUSE!

  Regis: Welcome back to Who Wants to Be a Demented Millionaire, the Christmas Edition,
and with me now is Billy Wonka of, where did you say you were from?
  Billy: New York, New York.
  Regis: So they named it twice?
  Billy: And I lived there once.

LAUGHTER!

  Regis: Ready to play?
  Billy: Yes I am.
  Regis: OK. Billy. You know the rules...15 questions to $1,000,000, three lifelines,
etc. etc.
  Billy: I'm ready.
  Regis: OK! Here we go with the ridiculously easy $100 question...

DIM LIGHTS

  What is fun to ride in the song Jingle Bells?
  a. a one-horse stagecoach
  b. a one-horse open sleigh
  c. a one-horse carriage
  d. a one-horse buggy.

  Billy: I belive it's a one-horse open sleight, b.
  Regis: And I believe you're right, you win $100!


APPLAUSE!


  Regis: Now, here comes the $200 question:

  What did Frosty the Snowman do when the kids first put his hat on his head?
  a. dance around
  b. recite poetry
  c. run around
  d. play with his popsicle

LAUGHTER!

  Billy: I better not get this wrong or I'll be melting in embarrasment, so my
answer is a. dance around.
  Regis: And you're right, it is "a", you win $200!


APPLAUSE!

  Billy: I didn't know Snowmen enjoyed popsicles!

LAUGHTER!

  Regis: I better not touch that one.

LAUGHTER!

  Regis: Now Billy, you have $200, and now we're going to go for $300...

  What is the name of the other reindeer?

  a. fido
  b. rover
  c. olive
  d. popeye


  Billy: Well, I'm not sure about this one, so I guess I'll poll the audience
and get an answer.
  Regis: OK. You're using one of the lifelines now, so audience, Billy could use some
help right now.  On your touchpad on your lap is the letters a-d corresponding to the
choices you see here.  Just select the correct answer and Santa might leave you a
present. Go!


AUDIENCE SELECTS ANSWERS
 
POLL RESULTS

             
         -   
      -  -   
      -  -   
   -  -  -  -
   -  -  -  -
   -  -  -  -
   a  b  c  d

   Regis: Well it looks like about 40% picked Olive, the other reindeer.

   Jeff: Then I guess I'll go along with "c". Olive.

   Regis: Confident?

   Jeff: Yes.

   Regis: Final answer?

   Jeff: Yes.




   Regis: The audience is right. You're right. You won $300!


APPLAUSE!

   Regis: I guess not everybody gets these easy questions.
   Jeff: I belive everybody has some difficulty level.
   Regis: Well, anyway, you still have two lifelines left and now, you're
going to be going for the $500 question, and here it comes...

   Who sings Feliz Navidad?
   a. Ricky Martin
   b. Jose Feliciano
   c. Carlos Santana
   d. The Taco Bell Dog

LAUGHTER!

  Billy: Yo quiero no mas chihuahuas!

LAUGHTER-APPLAUSE!

  Regis: I take it you don't care for small dogs.
  Billy: Well, not if they talk. I'll go with a. Ricky Martin.


  Regis: What made you think of Ricky?
  Billy: I don't know. He's that popular.

  Regis: Confident?
  Billy: No. I'm going to change my answer to b. Jose Feliciano.

  Regis: You sure?
  Billy: Yes.

  Regis: Final answer?
  Billy: Yes, that is my final answer.



  Regis: As a matter of fact, it is b! You're now at $500!  Nice work!

APPLAUSE!

  Regis: OK, Billy, you scared me for a bit, but now, let's take a look
at the $1000 question.

  In the Spike Jones Christmas classic, what was all that George Rock wanted
for Christmas?

   a. his two front teeth
   b. to cure his cold
   c. to have a deeper voice
   d. to be taller.

   Billy: Well I know that all he wanted was something to cure him of that annoying
whistling sound he makes while he talks, so I'm going for the two front teeth, a,
Regis, and that's my final answer!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Well, Billy. I guess that's all you really want, because now you're getting
$1,000!  Well done!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Now, Billy, that's the least you can win right now because you have just
reached the first guaranteed level to win.  We're going to shoot for $2,000 right
after we take a look at the video of the song, then we'll be right back.

APPLAUSE!

=============================================================================

"All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth", by Spike Jones

(Spoken:)
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise down below
So, in my flannel pajamas, I went tippy-toe
I could see old Saint Nick from the spot where I stood
So I slid down the banister just as fast as I could
(slide down and crash.  Then sings:)

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth
Then I can wish you Merry Christmas

        It seems so long since I could say,
        "Sister Suzie sitting on a thistle"
        Every time I try to speak
        All I do is whistle

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth?
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth
Then I can wish you Merry Christmas

(sound effects)

        Good old Santa Claus and all his reindeer
        They used to bring me lots of toys and candy
        Gee, but now when I go outside and yell, "Dancer, Prancer, Donner
                and Blitzen",
        None of them can understand me! (sob)

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth?
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
So I can wish you Merry Christmas...
Christmas...
Christmas...

Oh, for goodness sakes...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

=============================================================================

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Welcome back to Who Wants to Be a Demented Millionaire, the Christmas Carol
edition, and with me is Billy Wonka who is now going to go for $2,000, and he
has two lifelines left, so folks, let's get to the $2,000 question...

DIM LIGHTS!



   What is Mr. Hankey?
   a. a tissue paper
   b. a piece of feces
   c. a Claymation figure
   d. a mouse


   Billy: HAN-KEY-MOUSE

LAUGHTER-APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Well the Disney folks who are running the show aren't going to care
about having a mouse tied to this Hankey character!

LAUGHTER!

   Billy: Well, I guess not, but I do watch South Park...

   Regis: See some funny things on the show?

   Billy: Yes, and among them is a piece of something that was formerly a bunch
of fiber, that has been turned into something else, so I'm going to go with
b.--a piece of feces.

LAUGHTER!

   Regis: Not literally, mind you!

LAUGHTER!

   Billy: I'm not getting close to that character, but that's my final answer, Regis.

   Regis: Well, you're getting closer to the million, you've won $2,000!


APPLAUSE!


   Regis: Billy will be going for $4,000 right after we take a look at this
excerpt from A Mr. Hankey Christmas Classic.  We'll be right back!

APPLAUSE!


=============================================================================

MR. HANKEY THE CHRISTMAS POO

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of gay
'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeezing 'tween your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a howdy ho!
He's seen the love inside of you
'Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously, he loves you
I can make a Mr. Hankey too!

I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo!
Season's Greetings to all of you
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play:
Put me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas day has come

Sometimes he's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he's practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass and
Won't fall into the toilet 
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he won't drop off
And so you shake your ass around
Try to get it in the toilet
And finally he does

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves, he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit lingers on!!


=============================================================================

APPLAUSE!

  Regis: Now, Billy is at the $2,000 level, and right now he's going to go
for $4,000.  How do you feel now, Billy?
  Billy: OK I guess. Those South Park dudes are really bizarre if you ask me.
  Regis: Not as bizarre as David Tanny.

LAUGHTER!

  Billy: Who?
  Regis: Some moron who holds stock in Disney.

LAUGHTER!

  Regis: Now, Billy, let's shoot for the $4,000 question!


DIM LIGHTS



   In the song "Wreck The Malls", what doesn't the song tell you what to do?

   a. Tamper with their Muzak System
   b. Smash the toys with a sledge hammer.
   c. Drop your drawers and moon that Santa
   d. Push your charge card to the limit


   Billy: That's easy. It's gotta be "b"

LAUGHTER!

   Regis: You're out of stories already?
   Billy: Well, I do have his CD's.

   Regis: Confident?
   Billy: Yes.

   Regis: Sure?
   Billy: Yes.

   Regis: Use body deodarant?
   Billy: Yes.

   Regis: Smoke?
   Billy: Yes.

   Regis: Gay?
   Billy: No.
   Regis: I was seeing if you were really listening!

LAUGHTER!

   Regis: Final rinse?
   Billy: What?

LAUGHTER!

   Regis: I mean final answer?
   Billy: Yes.



   Regis: and it is "b"-- they don't tell you smash toys, you are now at $4,000!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Well we could use a sledgehammer to smash all those Pokemon stuff!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Now, let's see the video and they'll tell you more ways to "Wreck
The Malls!", then we'll be right back to see Billy go for $8,000!


APPLAUSE!!!

=============================================================================

"Wreck the Malls" - Bob Rivers' Twisted Christmas
(to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Wreck the Malls this Christmas Seasons
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Blow your cash for no good reason
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Push your charge card to the limit;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Your checkbook now has nothing in it.
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Wreck the Malls with my friend Charlie;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Drive to K-Mart on his Harley;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Tamper with their Muzak System
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Switch something for Twisted Sister
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Wreck the Pet Store do some damage;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Send the beagles on a rampage;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Acting in an uncouth manner;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Drop your drawers and moon that Santa.
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.


=============================================================================

APPLAUSE!


   Regis: Welcome back to Who Wants to Be a Demented Millionaire, and now, we're
going to see Billy go for $8,000.  Are you ready?
   Billy: Sure, Regis.
   Regis: OK, then let's take a look at the $8,000 question....

DIM LIGHTS


   In the Tom Lehrer Christmas Carol, what did the angels they have heard on high
tell the folks to do?

   a. give to charity
   b. eat a holiday pie
   c. come out as gay
   d. go out and buy

   Billy: boy that Lehrer is one classic parodist.
   Regis: I can see how clever he used to do his takeoffs on many songs.
   Billy: I'm pretty sure it's d., go out and buy.

   Regis: Confident?
   Billy: If they were singing to Ellen DeGeneres, then I know what answer to choose.

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: This game is getting out of control!  Is that your final answer?
   Billy: Final answer.




   Regis: Well, the angels do tell you to go out and buy!  You have $8,000!

APPLAUSE!

   Regis: Billy will be shooting for $16,000 right after this Christmas Carol
by Tom Lehrer, so come on back!


APPLAUSE!



=============================================================================

"A Christmas Carol" by Tom Lehrer.


Christmas time is here, by golly
Disapproval would be folly
Deck the halls with hunks of holly
Fill the cup and don't say "when"!

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens
Mix the punch and drag out the Dickens
Even thought the prospect thickens,
Brother, here we go again!

   On Christmas Day, you can't get sore
   Your fellow man you must adore
   There's time to rob him all the more
   The other three-hundred and sixty-four

Relations sparring no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil
Or a matching pen-and-pencil
"Just the thing I need...how nice."

It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heart-felt the spirit
Sentiment'll not endear it
What's important is...the price!

        Hark!  The _Herald_Tribune_ sings
        Advertising wond'rous things

        God rest ye merry merchants;  may ye make the Yuletide pay!

        Angels we have heard on high
        Tell us to go out and buy!

        So.....

Let the raucous sleigh bells jingle
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle
Driving his reindeer across the sky...
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!


=============================================================================

APPLAUSE!   APPLAUSE!   APPLAUSE!


   Regis: How true today.  Well, now Billy is halfway towards winning a million
dollars at $8,000.  How do you feel now, Billy?
   Billy: It's a natural high for me.
   Regis: Well, now it's time for you to face the $16,000 question...

DIM LIGHTS


   In the song "An Axl Christmas", what did Axl do at the North Pole?

   a. recruit the elves for his rock band
   b. replaced the reindeer with flying roadies
   c. wire Santa's workshop for MTV
   d. trashed the whole place

   Billy: Welllll, I'm not an Axl fan and I don't know what an MTV is nowadays...
   Regis: Well MTV is more of a Real World channel than a music channel, that's
for sure.

APPLAUSE!

   Billy: I guess I'll have to use the 50/50 because I'm just not so sure.
   Regis: OK. Computer, will you please remove the two wrong answers, leaving
us with one correct and one wrong answer.



   In the song "An Axl Christmas", what did Axl do at the North Pole?

   a. recruit the elves for his rock band
   c. wire Santa's workshop for MTV

   Regis: I hope this was of help to you.
   Billy: I guess what would make more sense is that he would want someone to
support him when he sings, so I'll go for a.--recruting the elves for a rock
band.

   Regis: Confident?
   Billy: No, I'm not sure.
   Regis: Well, you still have one lifeline left if you want to use it.
   Billy: I guess I'll take a shot at it and say a.

   Regis: You realize that if you get this wrong, you lose $7,000.
   Billy: Well I came in with nothing and I'm kind of a risk taker, so I'll
stick with a.

   Regis: Is that your final answer?
   (long pause)
   Billy: Yes.








   Regis: Ooh, I'm so sorry, the correct answer is c. wire Santa's workshop for MTV.

AUDIENCE AWWWWS.

   Billy: Rats!
   Regis: But you don't go home empty handed, because you still go home with $1,000 and
I do thank you for playing Millionaire.
   Billy: Next time, I'll watch MTV when they decide to air videos once again.
   Regis: And they better start playing that song because we don't have the video.

AUDIENCE BOOS!

   Regis: Well I'm sorry, we just don't have everything!

LAUGHTER!
REGIS HANDS OVER CHECK AND SHAKES HANDS WITH JEFF

   Regis: Well, good luck Billy and do come back again.

APPLAUSE!  JEFF LEAVES.


   Regis: Well, I'm glad this studio isn't wired for MTV, but it is wired for that
Disney channel my parent company also runs.

LAUGHTER!

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Demented Christmas Specials Main Page D.T.'s Stupid Xmas Special '97 Part 1 D.T.'s Stupid Xmas Special '97 Part 2 D.T.'s Stupid Xmas Special '97 Part 3 D.T.'s Stupid Xmas Special '97 Part 4 WWTBAM Part 1 WWTBAM Part 2 WWTBAM Part 3 WWTBAM Part 4 WWTBAM Part 5 WWTBAM Part 6 WWTBAM '00 Part 1 WWTBAM '00 Part 2 24 Sours Part 1 24 Sours Part 2 24 Sours Part 3 24 Sours Part 4 24 Sours Part 5 24 Sours Part 6 24 Sours Part 7 24 Sours Part 8 24 Sours Part 9
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